Monthly Archives: March 2015

Rejected Sketches: Week 3

So didn’t get anything into this week’s Newsjack again. Which is fine.

My only noteworthy submission was a sketch about the new Frozen film. It’s pretty ambitious, but I can see why it wasn’t used.

FROZEN 2

1. INTRO: Entertainment news, and Disney has announced plans to produce

a sequel to the hit animated film Frozen. A story about two sisters,

one of whom has magical powers, the original film has driven

droves of parents insane thanks to its repetitive catchy songs.

We’re lucky enough to have a sneak preview of some of the

newest songs that will feature in the upcoming sequel. Warning:

you may want to cover the ears of any young children present.

2. MUSIC: (Do you wanna build a snowman?)

3. SINGER: Do you wanna watch a sequel?

And rewatch it every day?

Never do anything else

But sing these songs over and over

And driving parents insaaaaane.

You used to be happy with Teletubbies

Or In the Night Garden

And that was absolutely fiiiine

Do you wanna watch a sequel?

I don’t really wanna a sequel.

Ok, fine…

4. MUSIC (Let it go)

5. SINGER Don’t go the cinema, don’t let them see

There’s probably something better on CBBC!

Don’t tell the kids, oh no it’s too late!

Oh god, now they now!

They won’t let it go, let it go,

There’ll be no holding back anymore,

Every day and every night

You’ll be singing this until Frozen 4!

6. END

Rejected Sketches: Week 2

More of these then.

ORANGE WEDNESDAYS

1. INTRO: Business news. After over ten years, Orange have finally ended

their popular Orange Wednesdays deal that let customers get half

price cinema tickets. Popular with young Orange users, and

anyone who knew anyone on Orange, the deal will be missed by

many. But what’s going to replace it? Well, the company has been

having internal talks about that already. Here’s what they’ve come

up with.

2. BOSS: Right then team. We’re not doing half price cinema tickets

anymore. But we still need to attract young people. What can we

offer instead?

3. EMPLOYEE1: How about half price meat at the butchers? Young people love

meat!

4. BOSS: No, we don’t want to offend vegetarians. We need something cool

and edgy!

5. EMPLOYEE2: How about knives! They’re cool AND edgy, Half price knives on

Wednesdays?

6. BOSS: Hmm, that’s not bad. I love the edginess. But are young people

really still buying knives?

7. EMPLOYEE1: Knives are SO 2009. That’s why I’m saying meat! Meat is classic,

and timeless. Plus people buy meat a lot more often than they buy

knives!

8. EMPLOYEE2: Yeah but think about it. How are they going to cut up their meat

without knives?

9. EMPLOYEE1: Nobody buys a new knife every time they need to cut up some

meat!

10. EMPLOYEE2: Exactly! We’re trying to start a new trend here. Imagine the ads:

“Orange Wednesdays. Knives for you and a friend. For all your

meat cutting needs.”

11. BOSS: Guys, I think we need to stay away from the whole meat and

cutting angle. It’s not really on-brand.

12. EMPLOYEE1: Hmmm. How about tofu?

13. BOSS: Tofu?

14. EMPLOYEE1: Yeah, it’s like a meat substitute. Plus I think it looks kind of

Orange. So we can play around with that angle.

15. EMPLOYEE2: Plus you need knives to eat it!

16. BOSS: Well, I don’t like it….but I don’t see what other choice we have.

Get working on those ads right away.

17. AD VOICEOVER: ORANGE WEDNESDAYS. HALF PRICE MEAT SUBSTITUTES

AVAILABLE TO ORANGE USERS ONLY ON WEDNESDAYS

PLUS YOU CAN ALSO BUY KNIVES TOO IF YOU NEED SOME.

18. BOSS: Ok, everyone is fired.

19. END


 

AD: COLOUR CHANGING TORY

1. V/O: Is it blue? Or is it purple and yellow? Wow your friends with the

viral sensation that’s sweeping Westminster – the colour changing

Tory!

Watch with amazement as your constituency MP changes colour

right before your eyes, and then defects right back again

afterwards. How does it work? Nobody knows.

2. TESTIMONIAL: We voted for the local Tory MP thinking he stood for a traditional

conservative approach to taxation. But then suddenly one day we

turned on the telly and he going on about immigration and things.

We still can’t explain it!

3. V/O: Colour changing Tories are available in all marginal constituencies

and tax havens.

(Warning: May cause racial intolerance and fascist tendencies)

4. END