Monthly Archives: February 2016

Richard’s 2016: Week Eight

(Read up on what #Richards2016 is all about here.)

We’re almost at the end of February 2016, babies! That means we’re basically 2/12 through the year! Or 1/6! or 4/24! Or LITERALLY ANY OTHER FRACTION OF AN EQUIVALENT AMOUNT. The possibilities are endless, and so our are dreams.

Speaking of dreams, let’s get right to this thing. BECAUSE IT’S SO DREAMY I GUESS?!?!

February 20th: Love Your Pet Day

Now, this one is kind of hard to prove. But I do love my pets. And I continued to do so on February 20th. Don’t try and call me out on this one – it’s not a cop out. It’s just the best I can do. Look, here’s even a photo of me loving a pet! (Not taken on February 20th, but what it represents is what counts).11885384_10155918500965405_4472860948207175868_n

100% pure, true love right there. (This dog doesn’t actually love me back btw, but that’s because he’s a BAD DOG). Bad dog!

February 21st: Single Tasking Day

Here are the single tasks I did on February 21st:

  1. I woke up.
  2. I ate a whole load of brioche.
  3. I made some coffee.
  4. I did some writing. (Sketches that never actually got used anywhere in the end).
  5. Like a hundred other things you don’t need to hear about.

Basically, I did try to deliberately only do one thing at a time. I have a bad habit of trying to do loads at once – brewing that coffee while loading the dishwasher between thinking up things to write about and picking something to listen to and checking Twitter at the same time. So just doing one thing at once was  a challenge for me.

Hell, even just closing Tweetdeck was difficult. I found myself reopening it out of habit. Am I addicted to social media?! Am I a mediaholic? AM I ADDICTED TO MEDIAHOL?

February 22nd: Be Humble Day

So easy.

I’m SO good at being humble that I even dressed humbly:

Yup, all grey outfit, AKA the most neutral and humble colour. And look at that bowed head. Is that the ultimate in humility? I think it is!

I just mean, damn. I think I deserve a bloody medal for how humble I was.

February 23rd: Banana Bread Day

Mostly spent the day reciting this:

Also, it turns out finding banana bread last minute in Cambridge is NO EASY FEAT. However, I knew of a cheat. There’s a BANANA BREAD BEER that I really like. I drink it loads and would recommend it.

So, on my way home I popped into my local beer shop. They didn’t have it. I ended up buying some wacky new beers though, including a weird Bramley-apple one from Beavertown. So I had to walk all the way to Asda which is basically hella outta my way.

There, I managed to find not only the Banana Bread Beer but also some Mr Kipling Banana Milkshake Slices. Yup, Asda sell every kind of bread you can imagine except banana, and do sell the weirdest cake slice ever. Here’s the lot –

Delicious!

February 24th: Inconvenience Yourself Day

This one just kinda happened. I was planning on taking a stupidly long route to work or something, but I was running late so had to can that idea. Also, after the long detour I had taken home the day before, it felt a bit stupid to do that.

However, due to being a bad person at planning my own life, I ended up inconveniencing myself anyway! I booked a reservation at a restaurant about 5 doors down from my office, but for an hour and a half after work finished. So that meant I ended up hanging around at work for 90 minutes just doing nothing.

Sure, I could have just gone home and gone back to the restaurant at the right time. But pfffffffftttt, I’m committed to doing this year thing properly ain’t I! Also, the dinner was great.

February 25th: Introduce A Girl To Engineering Day

A commenter on my last blog post said that this day sounded a bit sexist. I disagree. Anything to even out the gender imbalance in science/engineering sounds like a good thing to me.

Just take the hilarious news this week that EDF Energy held a competition for girls in tech and gave first place to a boy. I mean, lol, right? (Side note; do check out that site – Gadgette – doing good work to promote women in technology and all kinds of wonderfulness).

Here’s what I ended up doing (THANKS OLIVIA FOR BEING A GOOD SPORT).

Eagle-eyed readers might notice that I wasn’t able to fully explain to Olivia what the impliciations of the minimum flow required by a pump are. That’s because I don’t know. The day is, and I want to stress this strongly, INTRODUCE a girl to engineering day. I consider that work done.

Like if the day was ‘introduce a stranger to your Mother day’ I wouldn’t have to then field any and all questions from the stranger about Mother. I’d just be like ‘yo goober, check out Linda she’s awesome, ok have fun bye!’. That’s literally what I’ve done above.

You’re welcome, all women everywhere.

February 26th: Pistachio Day

GOT SOME NUTS.

Turns out that pistachios get pretty hard going after about 20. Also, they’ll probably mess up your finger tips if you’re manually cracking them open. Why do we still consider this an acceptable way of eating food?

AND THAT’S IT !!!!!!


COMING UP NEXT WEEK:

  • February 27th: Kahlua Day
  • February 28th: Tooth Fairy Day
  • February 29th: Bachelor’s Day
  • March 1st: World Compliment Day
  • March 2nd: Banana Cream Pie Day
  • March 3rd: Mulled Wine Day
  • March 4th: Day Of Unplugging

Some fun stuff to look forward to there, ESPECIALLY Kahlua Day. In fact, that just so happens to be tonight. WHITE RUSSIANS ALL ROUND (FOR ME!).

Thanks, y’all!

ps. So the agency emailed me to ask if the electricity was still tripping. I was all like ‘yeah lol and where’s the fridge I was promised a month ago.’ A few emails later and it was clear they were useless and incompetent. Cue the greatest rant email I’ve ever written.

Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 16.32.15 Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 16.32.26

Yup, 845 words of hot Richard complaint, including a full review of every email I’ve sent and received for four months and a complete sarcastic summary. Take THAT, agency drone!

I am now also actively pursuing alternative living arrangements. More to follow.

Richard’s 2016: Week Seven

(Read up on what #Richards2016 is all about here.)

Another week in the bag! Ok, this week was once again mostly eating stuff. But I promise I’ll try better in the future, ok?

Anyway, HERE IT ISSSSS.

February 13th: Radio Day

Got my hands on an old-school radio, didn’t I?!

Now, I’m all about on-demand music streaming services. So radios are a bit weird to me. But they’re quite good fun for having on when you’re doing other stuff I suppose. Especially if it’s like a talk show or something. And listening to Craig Charles talk about his favourite funk and soul records is a laugh.

Also I look well handsome in that photo, don’t I?

February 14th: Cream Filled Chocolate Day

Also Valentine’s Day I guess?

That’s me there, eating a Fox’s Chocolate Cream aka the best chocolate bar. It’s incredible.

Side note, check out how daysoftheyear.com decided to advertise this day.

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MATE, an oreo is not a cream-filled chocolate. It’s a cream-filled chocolate BISCUIT. Unless in the US they’re calling biscuits chocolates now? In which case, they’re simply beyond hope.

February 15th: Hippo Day

I mean, what would you do? Not a lot of hippos in the east anglia region, y’know.

That’s a pretty good hippo, I reckon. That second foreleg is kinda screwed up but whatever.

February 16th: Almond Day

I went out to Greggs in search of one of their famous HUGE CHERRY BAKEWELLS. But they were all out. Don’t worry though, the disaster was thankfully averted…

Hell yeah, an almond croissant! aka the best pastry in the universe. YUM.

February 17th: World Human Spirit Day

You wot, mate? I don’t really understand what this is about, beyond some airy fairy hippy nonsense. The website described it thus:

This day is a celebration of continuity, of hope, of awareness, an occasion for us all to connect spiritually, to gaze at the universe beyond our worldly bodies.

Like, that doesn’t help. First of all, materialism is literally true. Secondly, this sounds super lame.

My philosophical reservations aside, I decided to conduct an experiment. I decided to sell my soul.

Now, I know some of you doubters will question whether this was a legitimate exchange. Did Edd really pay me €50,000 (converted to £££) for my immortal soul? Was this just a scripted exchange we did during our lunch break? I’ll take a note from religion’s book and simply say that SUCH QUESTIONS ARE BEYOND HUMAN COMPREHENSION AND TO QUESTION ME AT ALL IS HERESY. Pahahaaa, burrrrrrrrn.

February 18th: Drink Wine Day

Not a problem.

I went all the way to Asda and bought some delicious Riesling for this. But apparently that’s not to everyone’s tastes (SORRY OLIVIA) so we had some of whatever this is instead. It was lovely.

February 19th: Chocolate Mint Day

Ate some chocolate mints.

Now, you’re probably going to call me out here. After all, these are simply minty chocolate biscuits, not true chocolate mints. BUT, whatever. If the website can get away with calling oreos ‘cream-filled biscuit’ then I get this in revenge. Call it cosmic justice of whatever.

AND THAT’S YER LOT


Coming up next week:

  • February 20th: Cherry Pie Day
  • February 21st: Single Tasking Day
  • February 22nd: Be Humble Day
  • February 23rd: Banana Bread Day
  • February 24th: Inconvenience Yourself Day
  • February 25th: Introduce A Girl To Engineering Day
  • February 26th: Pistachio Day

Some of these are SO weird. Also, ‘inconvenience yourself day’ lol. That’s pretty much all I do everyday already!

See you then.

ps. Might stop doing these ps bits. There’s no updates to speak of.

Richard’s 2016: Week Six

(Read up on what #Richards2016 is all about here.)

There ain’t no stopping this train, baby! It just KEEPS ON ROCKING. For better or for worse.

Another classic week here. Yup, there’s all the food challenges you know and love AND SO MUCH MORE.

February 6th: Lace Day

Eeeasy.

That’s me there, wearing a black lace veil like SOME KINDA SPOOKY GHOST. Don’t worry though, I’m not actually a corpse bride. But I woulda got away with it, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!

I only wore it for approximately the duration of that photo though. Turns out veils are super difficult to see through and are also itchy on your face. Why do we insist on making brides wear them, huh? Is it so they can’t see who they’re marrying, in case they realise they’re making a terrible mistake?! GREAT MARITAL SOCIAL COMMENTARY RIGHT HERE FOLKS.

February 7th: Ballet Day

I spent all of the day trying to decide what to do for this. Do I like go and watch some ballet? Do I learn some ballet myself? Do I read one of those bestselling ballet books? So many possibilities.

In the end, I didn’t come up with anything until about 11pm. That’s why I’m literally in my pyjamas in this clip of me doing ballet:

Jesus wept.

February 8th: Kite Flying Day

It just so happens that this was like the windiest day ever! Thanks, Imogen! So perfect kite flying weather. Or in my case, my hat (what is a hat but a kite you stick on your head anyway?!)

It was so blustery you guys you have no idea. SOLID EFFORT FROM ME VERY WELL DONE.

February 9th: Toothache Day

February 9th also has another name, PANCAKE DAY. What better way to induce toothache than to stuff myself with sweet pancake goodness? So that’s what I did.

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Here are just some of the pancakes I had:

  • Golden Syrup
  • Nutella
  • Lemon and Sugar

And by some I mean all because we ran out of mixture and eggs to make more mixture. WAHEYyy.

February 10th: Umbrella Day

I was hoping it would at least rain for umbrella day. That way I could, y’know, justify using an umbrella. But it didn’t. So I opted for the alternative: getting really sweaty at the gym and like chilling out under my umbrella to recuperate? I don’t know how that made sense to me at the time, but there we go.

February 11th: Get Your Guitar Out Day

Watch me butchering a Neutral Milk Hotel classic.

Sorry to Jeff Magnum and everyone who watched this.

February 12th: Plum Pudding Day

Turns out plum pudding is a real thing and huge faff. But remember the right ‘mare I had with peach melba day? I wasn’t making that mistake again.

So instead, I had a plum for pudding. OOH YEAH SUCCEEDING IN THE MINIMAL YET TECHNICALLY CORRECT WAY POSSIBLE SINCE 1989 BABY!!!!

It me. Eating a plum. In an underground cycling park at 7PM.


And here’s the next week of CRAZY WACKY FUN to come:

  • Radio Day
  • World Marriage Day
  • Hippo Day
  • Almond Day
  • World Human Spirit Day
  • Drink Wine Day (!)
  • Chocolate Mint Day

Particularly looking forward to drinking some wine and eating some chocolate mints. IF I LIVE THAT LONG THAT IS.

Anyway, good luck with your week whatever you’re doing too.

ps. No word from the electricity people and also the folks I bought those wrong sized Zissou shoes off have stopped responding to me! Hahahaha, my life!

Richard’s 2016: Week Five

(Read up on what #Richards2016 is all about here.)

Alright, week five, let’s do this. Let’s get THIS ON. Oh man, this is on like Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D for Nintendo 3DS.

January 30th: Croissant Day

Ooh la la! Le cuisine français, eh? NON PROBLEME.

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Delicious is was too. I know eating a croissant isn’t particularly difficult or impressive. But what did you do on the 30th? Something stupid I bet. You goddamn stupid idiot.

Also check out my incredible Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff shirt I’m wearing. It’s hella rad.

January 31st: Backward Day

Tougher than you think. What would you do for this day? It was suggested that I spend the day walking around backwards but do you have any idea how difficult (and dangerous) that is. Man, it’s a proper pain.

I did this, though:

Yeah, it’s just me wearing my glasses on the back of my head. Not particularly impressive. So I took it a bit further.

For lunch, I went to Butch Annies which is basically a hipster burger place underground in Cambridge. Luckily they serve something called the Topsy Turvy burger.2016-01-31 13.22.41

It’s a pork patty with beef bacon. In other words: IT’S ALL BACKWARDS. Hiyooooo, I win again! Pahahah, take that 2016. You can kill off all our beloved celebrities but you’ll never kill my food challenge spirit.

Here’s a picture of the burger, inverted because backwards geddit?

2016-01-31 13.40.41

February 1st: Decorating with Candy Day

Let’s just take a moment to reflect that this means I’ve successfully done a whole month of this dumb project. Hooray! No word on the book deal yet, but I’m sure it’s on its way. Surely. Soon. They’re probably just getting all the bad book publishing out the way first, and then coming back to the solid gold lifestyle humour writing.

Screen Shot 2016-02-06 at 13.05.50

Anyway, decorating with candy day. I decorated something with ‘candy’ (aka, SWEETS).

Yes, pouring a load of skittles over my work laptop counts as decorating. Show me the definition of decorating that doesn’t allow this to count. Spoiler alert: you can’t. Hahahaha.

February 2nd: World Wetlands Day

Hmm, I don’t live near any Wetlands. Well, maybe the Cambridge Fens count but I’m not sure. And I didn’t really have time to go exploring to find out.

Everyone was getting in on it, even my Twitter followers!

In the end I decided the best thing to do would be to donate some coins to the World Wetlands Trust. I checked out their website and they do good work. I like birds and wetlands creatures and I don’t want them to lose their homes. I’d encourage you strongly to think about doing the same.

I know what you might be thinking, Richard – aren’t you just buying your way out of doing something really meaningful for this day? First of all, shut up. Secondly, yes I am.

February 3rd: Carrot Cake Day

Ate some carrot cake.

I had just eaten a reasonably sized piece of chocolate cake before this, so I ended up feeling pretty horrible and full. I guess I should plan my eating better?

February 4th: Thank a Mailman Day

I couldn’t find a mailman (or mailwoman, c’mon guys) for this. Shoutout to my Days of the Year partner, Toby, who managed this great selfie.

Putting me to shame. All I could manage was a limp-wristed thank you tweet, which I sent to the whole Royal Mail in the hopes they’d pass it along to the frontline workers. In retrospect, I do not expect that they did this.

Pretty weak reply by RM, I thought. Working in social media myself, these are the kind of golden opportunities you dream about. A direct @ mention that’s not a complaint. Perfect. But oh well. They were welcome, at least.

February 5th: Chocolate Fondue Day

I wrecked an antique fondue set for this.

I followed this recipe, which looked incredible. But it had loads of stuff in. Too much probably. The chocolate took forever to melt, and when it did it stayed tasty for all of 60 seconds. It then immediately burnt and tasted horrible. And this morning I spent an hour trying to scrape burnt chocolate off the bottom of the fondue pan. No luck.


HUGE. Where will my wacky adventures take me next, I wonder? Well, no need to wonder. I can just look at this list below!

  • Take Your Child To The Library Day
  • Ballet Day
  • Kite Flying Day
  • Toothache Day
  • Umbrella Day
  • Get Out Your Guitar Day
  • Plum Pudding Day

Eesh. Not looking forward to any of these really. BUT DO KEEP READING BECAUSE I’LL TRY TO MAKE THEM SOMEWHAT ENTERTAINING.

Cheers.

ps.  Electricity company now no longer responding to emails???