{"id":307,"date":"2015-02-26T18:12:58","date_gmt":"2015-02-26T18:12:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/?p=307"},"modified":"2017-05-05T22:23:15","modified_gmt":"2017-05-05T21:23:15","slug":"rejections","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/rejections\/","title":{"rendered":"Rejections"},"content":{"rendered":"

As part of my quest to become the world’s greatest writer, I’m certain to encounter lots of rejection along the way. Yeah it sucks but that’s just the price you pay I suppose.<\/p>\n

Sometimes that means a straight out “nope” from someone, and other times simply\u00a0not hearing back at all (eg. most of my Newsjack<\/a> submissions).<\/p>\n

Today’s harsh return to reality comes in the form of rejected McSweeney’s<\/a>\u00a0lines. If you don’t know it, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency is basically an open submission website for comedy lists. Some of it is very, very funny<\/a> and I really adore the surreal yet deadpan nature of their comedy style.<\/p>\n

Having never tried it out before I thought it was worth a shot.\u00a0Roughly a week later I heard back. It was a no.<\/p>\n

But not wanting good(ish) writing to go to waste, here’s the two list submissions I made. Hooray for recycling content!<\/p>\n

\n
Reasons why Lil Jon might be told to turn down<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n
    \n
  • Sir, this aquarium has very strict policies on acceptable noise levels.<\/li>\n
  • Please, his death came very suddenly and we\u2019d like to mourn in peace.<\/li>\n
  • In the vacuum of space, it is impossible for sound to travel.<\/li>\n
  • You are frightening my sons.<\/li>\n
  • As a fellow recording artist, I find that your high levels of sound are preventing me from pursuing my own artistic endeavours.<\/li>\n
  • For God\u2019s sake, Jon, this is a school for the deaf. They will not be able to appreciate your music in any case.<\/li>\n
  • This sound system isn\u2019t designed to handle this decibel range.<\/li>\n
  • You\u2019re giving His Holiness an earache.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
    \u00a0<\/b><\/div>\n
    Lines that were rejected before the Terminator writers settled on \u201cI\u2019ll be back\u201d<\/b><\/div>\n
    \n
    \n
      \n
    • Stay where you are, I shall return momentarily.<\/li>\n
    • I have other affairs to attend to, but my rearrival is imminent.<\/li>\n
    • Look, this is an awkward situation for both of us. Ok, I\u2019ll just leave.<\/li>\n
    • Urgent matters require my attention in an alternative location.<\/li>\n
    • I am losing the will to live, Bertha.<\/li>\n
    • You gotta watch out for that Shaq Attack<\/li>\n
    • Like a boomerang, I will come right back around to where I started off from.<\/li>\n
    • Christmas only comes once a year. But it still comes every year. I\u2019m like Christmas.<\/li>\n
    • You\u2019ll be seeing me again in the near future.<\/li>\n
    • Never lose sight of your life goals. Stay true to your roots. Stay true to the streets.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      Wow, those are less good than I remember.<\/p>\n

      Hope this was worth your time.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Which is fine. My only noteworthy submission was a sketch about the new Frozen film. It's pretty ambitious, but I can see why it wasn't used. FROZEN 2 1. INTRO: Entertainment news, and Disney has announced plans to produce a sequel\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "writing"","block_context":{"text":"writing","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":311,"url":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/rejected-sketches-week-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":307,"position":1},"title":"Rejected Sketches: Week 2","author":"cookywook","date":"March 6, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"More of these then. ORANGE WEDNESDAYS 1. INTRO: Business news. After over ten years, Orange have finally ended their popular Orange Wednesdays deal that let customers get half price cinema tickets. Popular with young Orange users, and anyone who knew anyone on Orange, the deal will be missed by many.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "writing"","block_context":{"text":"writing","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1365,"url":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/andy-kaufman-snl-tape\/","url_meta":{"origin":307,"position":2},"title":"An appreciation of Andy Kaufman’s SNL Screen Test","author":"cookywook","date":"June 9, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"The subject of Andy Kaufman is one which it's pretty trendy to be into these days. As Neutral Milk Hotel are to music, or Infinite Jest is to literature, Kaufman is the go-to mainstream obscurity\u00a0of comedy. 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