{"id":309,"date":"2015-02-28T09:59:56","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T09:59:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/?p=309"},"modified":"2015-02-28T09:59:56","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T09:59:56","slug":"rejected-sketches-week-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/rejected-sketches-week-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Rejected Sketches: Week 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here are some of my Newsjack sketches that didn’t make it to air. I post them here simply because I want them to be up somewhere at least. Enjoy?<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

PHOTOSHOP<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. INTRO: Technology news. The world\u2019s most popular photo editing software Photoshop turns 25 this week. Famously, the software is used a lot in the fashion industry for retouching models after photo shoots and seeing what you look like if you put your head on David Beckham\u2019s body. But what did people do before<\/em> Photoshop was invented? Well, they took them to an actual photo shop of course! In case that was slightly before your time, here\u2019s how that used to go.<\/li>\n
  2. FX: SHOP DOOR RINGS<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
  3. SHOPKEEP: Good morning. Welcome to the Photo Shop! What can we do for you today?<\/li>\n
  4. CUSTOMER: I\u2019ve had a photo taken of me and I\u2019d like to see what you can do with it. It\u2019s for a job and I really want to look my best.<\/li>\n
  5. SHOPKEEPER: Not a problem. Let\u2019s take a look at it.<\/li>\n
  6. CUSTOMER: Here you go.<\/li>\n
  7. SHOPKEEPER: Oh dear. [TUTS] Well, well, well\u2026<\/li>\n
  8. CUSTOMER: What\u2019s the verdict then?<\/li>\n
  9. SHOPKEEPER: Well, I can tell you up front \u2013 this isn\u2019t going to be cheap.<\/li>\n
  10. CUSTOMER: Oh really? How much are we talking?<\/li>\n
  11. SHOPKEEPER: It\u2019s a very big job, you see. Your skin tone is all off, the lighting\u2019s wrong, and I\u2019ve never even seen<\/em> one of those<\/strong> What is that?<\/li>\n
  12. CUSTOMER: That\u2019s my nose!<\/li>\n
  13. SHOPKEEPER: You sure? Gosh, I\u2019d hate to be on the receiving end of that!<\/li>\n
  14. CUSTOMER: I\u2019m afraid I don\u2019t have much money to spend. Can\u2019t you just do a basic job on it?<\/li>\n
  15. SHOPKEER: Well, I can see what the lads can do. But we\u2019ll basically need to order some parts in. And that could take a while.<\/li>\n
  16. CUSTOMER: Parts? What kind of parts?<\/li>\n
  17. SHOPKEEPER: You\u2019d need new eyebrows for a start. We get them in and stick them in just there over your eyes. Right now it looks like you\u2019ve got two big caterpillars crawling across your face. And we only get those in on Tuesdays.<\/li>\n
  18. CUSTOMER: I had no idea it was all so complicated.<\/li>\n
  19. SHOPKEEPER: If it\u2019s a rush, we do offer an alternative service.<\/li>\n
  20. CUSTOMER: What\u2019s that?<\/li>\n
  21. SHOPKEEPER: Basically we get someone to draw a new picture of you. From scratch.<\/li>\n
  22. CUSTOMER: How would that help? I need this photo for a job application. A hand drawn picture won\u2019t do me much good.<\/li>\n
  23. SHOPKEEPER: You\u2019d be surprised! Evan back there is really talented with a crayon. You\u2019d never be able to tell it wasn\u2019t an original.<\/li>\n
  24. CUSTOMER: I suppose it is urgent. Fine. I\u2019ll take the drawing. How much will that be?<\/li>\n
  25. SHOPKEEPER: That\u2019s just \u00a310. Per month. Forever. And if you stop paying, we have to take the photo back.<\/li>\n
  26. CUSTOMER: What a ripoff! But I really really need it. So here you go, I guess\u2026<\/li>\n
  27. SHOPKEEPER: Thanks a lot. And here\u2019s your c-hh-a<\/li>\n
  28. CUSTOMER: Sorry? You alright?<\/li>\n
  29. SHOPKEEPER: PHOTOSHOP HAS STOPPED WORKING. CHECK FOR A SOLUTION OR CLOSE?<\/li>\n
  30. CUSTOMER: Oh forget this! I\u2019ll just take it next door to MS Paint instead.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
    \n

    \u00a0AD: GREECE<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

      \n
    1. V\/O: Struggling to make ends meet? Financial worries getting you down? Sounds like you need GREEK FINANCE<\/strong>.<\/li>\n
    2. V\/O: That\u2019s right, we\u2019ll take all your debts and outstanding payments and make them disappear by simply pretending they don\u2019t exist.<\/li>\n
    3. TESTIMONIAL: Greek Finance really helped us out. It just took one little election and we put them in charge of everything! Our austerity days were over and once again we\u2019re living well, well beyond our means.<\/li>\n
    4. V\/O: Greek Finance. Because it\u2019s time to show your debts the grexit!<\/li>\n
    5. END<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Here are some of my Newsjack sketches that didn’t make it to air. I post them here simply because I want them to be up somewhere at least. Enjoy? PHOTOSHOP INTRO: Technology news. The world\u2019s most popular photo editing software Photoshop turns 25 this week. Famously, the software is used a lot in the fashion […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[57],"tags":[148,147,145,146],"class_list":["post-309","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing","tag-greece","tag-photoshop","tag-rejected","tag-sketches"],"yoast_head":"\nRejected Sketches: Week 1<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/rejected-sketches-week-1\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Rejected Sketches: Week 1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here are some of my Newsjack sketches that didn’t make it to air. 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Which is fine. My only noteworthy submission was a sketch about the new Frozen film. It's pretty ambitious, but I can see why it wasn't used. FROZEN 2 1. INTRO: Entertainment news, and Disney has announced plans to produce a sequel\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "writing"","block_context":{"text":"writing","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":311,"url":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/rejected-sketches-week-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":309,"position":1},"title":"Rejected Sketches: Week 2","author":"cookywook","date":"March 6, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"More of these then. ORANGE WEDNESDAYS 1. INTRO: Business news. After over ten years, Orange have finally ended their popular Orange Wednesdays deal that let customers get half price cinema tickets. Popular with young Orange users, and anyone who knew anyone on Orange, the deal will be missed by many.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "writing"","block_context":{"text":"writing","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":378,"url":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/some-sketches\/","url_meta":{"origin":309,"position":2},"title":"Some sketches","author":"cookywook","date":"September 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"It's Newsjack\u00a0time again. Woo and yay. Basically that means I write things for the Radio that don't get put on the Radio. Here are this week's failures. Apparently\u00a0Font Factor got into the recording at least. It just got the chop in the edit. Boo hoo. FONT FACTOR 1. INTRO Google\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "writing"","block_context":{"text":"writing","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":527,"url":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/hipster-ken\/","url_meta":{"origin":309,"position":3},"title":"Sketch: Hipster Ken","author":"cookywook","date":"March 13, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The following is a sketch I wrote for Newsjack that of course didn't get used. It's pretty stupid. But it's Ken Day\u00a0so I thought I'd share it again here. Enjoy? INTRO Toy news now. Yes, we\u2019re really doing Toy News now apparently. It\u2019s not like the country\u2019s future as one\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "writing"","block_context":{"text":"writing","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1582,"url":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/review-giggle-palooza\/","url_meta":{"origin":309,"position":4},"title":"Review: Giggle Palooza","author":"cookywook","date":"March 30, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Giggle Palooza is a Facebook page with 1.6m likes. Which means it must be good. One point six million people can't be wrong, right? And by examining the page we can learn the secret to creating great online content and, dare I say it, life itself? 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It's great for comedy. There are so many good comedians on Twitter you can, and should, be following. 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