{"id":319,"date":"2015-04-06T21:52:05","date_gmt":"2015-04-06T20:52:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/?p=319"},"modified":"2015-04-07T07:55:00","modified_gmt":"2015-04-07T06:55:00","slug":"morphsuits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cookywook.co.uk\/blog\/morphsuits\/","title":{"rendered":"Morphsuits as a cultural identity crisis"},"content":{"rendered":"

I know right, what a HOT TAKE. Basically my list of blog topics (it’s a long list) just reads like a shopping list of things that are terrible about society.<\/p>\n

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But anyway, Morphsuits annoy me so I’m going to write about them for a bit. Just so we’re clear what I’m talking about, I mean these:<\/p>\n

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Ewwwww. I mean, just ewwww, right? Aren’t they just the most grotesque thing ever?<\/p>\n

And yet they seem to have an inexplicable appeal. Originally a rip-off of Japanese zentai<\/a>\u00a0suits, they’ve been around in the UK for about six years. I think the first time I saw one must have been at a music festival around that time. I thought to myself:<\/p>\n

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  1. What the hell is that person wearing?<\/li>\n
  2. Why the hell are they wearing that?<\/li>\n
  3. Are they ok?<\/li>\n
  4. Is it some kind of medical thing? (Like maybe they have a full body skin condition…)<\/li>\n
  5. How the hell do you see in that?<\/li>\n
  6. How the hell do you go to the toilet in that?<\/li>\n
  7. What’s going on?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Back when they were first launched, morphsuits were an instant attention grabbing device. Just squeeze yourself in, and suddenly you’re the life and soul of the party. From “who’s this guy?” to “who’s THIS guy?!” in the blink of an eye.<\/p>\n

    And that’s what disturbed me about them from the start. That they could essentially be a substitute for personality. OH YES HERE COMES THE HOT TAKE, GUYS.<\/p>\n

    You see, I’ve always had reservations about dressing up in general. I don’t like costumes or even dressing in a slightly unusual way (he says, wearing a tweed jacket and novelty socks). I just get super self-conscious. At Halloween, the most I’ll go for typically is “ghost” – or that time I went as “cool jacket guy” because I was wearing a cool jacket that day.<\/p>\n

    \"2013-10-31\u00a0(nobody got that it was loosely based on Ryan Gosling from Drive)<\/em><\/p>\n

    I think it’s the putting-yourself-out-there that I struggle with. As someone who is more self-conscious than most, putting on any kind of costume means exposing yourself to that public sphere more than usual. And I just get uncomfortable. Not like other people who can just whack on the most insane costume and feel totally happy with themselves.<\/p>\n

    But as I see it, a Morphsuit is designed specifically for<\/em> people\u00a0like me. It allows you to enter into that\u00a0public sphere fully, to really put yourself out there, but without any of the risk. You’re exposed, yet anonymous. You’re saying “look at me! look how wacky I am! look at all this PERSONALITY!” but also “don’t know me! you can’t know who I am! I’m a mystery to you!”<\/p>\n

    And that’s the crux of what annoys me. The two-faced nature of it all. It lets you get away with fitting in with everyone else while preserving the reasons you didn’t want to do that in the first place. It basically feels like cheating. People wearing morphsuits are essentially liars.<\/p>\n

    Plus they’re just lazy. A colour isn’t a costume. Yes, you’re wearing a red suit, so what? I’m supposed to have some kind of extra respect for you automatically now? Show me your face, coward.<\/p>\n

    The only person who can pull of wearing a Morphsuit is Charlie from Always Sunny. But that’s because Charlie is just great anyway.<\/p>\n