(Read up on what #Richards2016 is all about here.)

Alright, week five, let’s do this. Let’s get THIS ON. Oh man, this is on like Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D for Nintendo 3DS.

January 30th: Croissant Day

Ooh la la! Le cuisine français, eh? NON PROBLEME.

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Delicious is was too. I know eating a croissant isn’t particularly difficult or impressive. But what did you do on the 30th? Something stupid I bet. You goddamn stupid idiot.

Also check out my incredible Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff shirt I’m wearing. It’s hella rad.

January 31st: Backward Day

Tougher than you think. What would you do for this day? It was suggested that I spend the day walking around backwards but do you have any idea how difficult (and dangerous) that is. Man, it’s a proper pain.

I did this, though:

Yeah, it’s just me wearing my glasses on the back of my head. Not particularly impressive. So I took it a bit further.

For lunch, I went to Butch Annies which is basically a hipster burger place underground in Cambridge. Luckily they serve something called the Topsy Turvy burger.2016-01-31 13.22.41

It’s a pork patty with beef bacon. In other words: IT’S ALL BACKWARDS. Hiyooooo, I win again! Pahahah, take that 2016. You can kill off all our beloved celebrities but you’ll never kill my food challenge spirit.

Here’s a picture of the burger, inverted because backwards geddit?

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February 1st: Decorating with Candy Day

Let’s just take a moment to reflect that this means I’ve successfully done a whole month of this dumb project. Hooray! No word on the book deal yet, but I’m sure it’s on its way. Surely. Soon. They’re probably just getting all the bad book publishing out the way first, and then coming back to the solid gold lifestyle humour writing.

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Anyway, decorating with candy day. I decorated something with ‘candy’ (aka, SWEETS).

Yes, pouring a load of skittles over my work laptop counts as decorating. Show me the definition of decorating that doesn’t allow this to count. Spoiler alert: you can’t. Hahahaha.

February 2nd: World Wetlands Day

Hmm, I don’t live near any Wetlands. Well, maybe the Cambridge Fens count but I’m not sure. And I didn’t really have time to go exploring to find out.

Everyone was getting in on it, even my Twitter followers!

In the end I decided the best thing to do would be to donate some coins to the World Wetlands Trust. I checked out their website and they do good work. I like birds and wetlands creatures and I don’t want them to lose their homes. I’d encourage you strongly to think about doing the same.

I know what you might be thinking, Richard – aren’t you just buying your way out of doing something really meaningful for this day? First of all, shut up. Secondly, yes I am.

February 3rd: Carrot Cake Day

Ate some carrot cake.

I had just eaten a reasonably sized piece of chocolate cake before this, so I ended up feeling pretty horrible and full. I guess I should plan my eating better?

February 4th: Thank a Mailman Day

I couldn’t find a mailman (or mailwoman, c’mon guys) for this. Shoutout to my Days of the Year partner, Toby, who managed this great selfie.

Putting me to shame. All I could manage was a limp-wristed thank you tweet, which I sent to the whole Royal Mail in the hopes they’d pass it along to the frontline workers. In retrospect, I do not expect that they did this.

Pretty weak reply by RM, I thought. Working in social media myself, these are the kind of golden opportunities you dream about. A direct @ mention that’s not a complaint. Perfect. But oh well. They were welcome, at least.

February 5th: Chocolate Fondue Day

I wrecked an antique fondue set for this.

I followed this recipe, which looked incredible. But it had loads of stuff in. Too much probably. The chocolate took forever to melt, and when it did it stayed tasty for all of 60 seconds. It then immediately burnt and tasted horrible. And this morning I spent an hour trying to scrape burnt chocolate off the bottom of the fondue pan. No luck.

HUGE. Where will my wacky adventures take me next, I wonder? Well, no need to wonder. I can just look at this list below!

  • Take Your Child To The Library Day
  • Ballet Day
  • Kite Flying Day
  • Toothache Day
  • Umbrella Day
  • Get Out Your Guitar Day
  • Plum Pudding Day

Eesh. Not looking forward to any of these really. BUT DO KEEP READING BECAUSE I’LL TRY TO MAKE THEM SOMEWHAT ENTERTAINING.

Cheers.

ps.  Electricity company now no longer responding to emails???