Global pandemics tend to make people act a little… strange. In particular, our sense of what is and isn’t appropriate to own tends to go out the window a little bit. With stores reporting shortages of toilet paper globally, it’s fair to say that our response to the looming threat of coronavirus hasn’t been quite proportional.

Nowhere can this madness be more keenly observed than on the electronic shelves of Amazon. I’ve taken a cursory look at some of the products on offer, and let me tell you: I’m doing a massive chef’s kiss here at them. Except without my hand actually touching my lips. Because, y’know, corona. Let’s begin!

Qty 50 iPROTECT Antibacterial Retractable Pen Effective Against 99.9% Of All Harmful Bacteria Kills MRSA E-coli C-diff Bacteriacidal Plastic Body Anti-bacterial Agent Within The Plastic Reduces Risk of Spreading Germs And Infection is useful not just for the medical or pharmaceutical profession but can assist with infection control in everyone’s place of work or play and home .See Shop For Discount On 5 , 10 , 100 , 1000

Yes! That’s right! Everyone’s favourite product: Qty 50 iPROTECT Antibacterial Retractable Pen Effective Against 99.9% Of All Harmful Bacteria Kills MRSA E-coli C-diff Bacteriacidal Plastic Body Anti-bacterial Agent Within The Plastic Reduces Risk of Spreading Germs And Infection is useful not just for the medical or pharmaceutical profession but can assist with infection control in everyone’s place of work or play and home .See Shop For Discount On 5 , 10 , 100 , 1000

It’s a pen… that stops disease? I don’t know how exactly, but I’m not a scientist. Why aren’t all pens made out of this? Anyway, if you can’t afford the £18 price tag, I guess you could just use gloves instead.

Is it any good? Well, let’s consult this one-star review:

Straight outta Wuhan – back off T-Shirt

A pretty offensive t-shirt, nice! The “back off” doesn’t add much.

This shirt is £17.50, available in men’s and women’s sizes, and also comes in white! Please please please don’t buy this.

F-JAS Hand Sanitiser & Moisturiser (30ml alien)

Is this made of aliens? Or for aliens? Or for when you’ve come into contact with aliens?

Why is every piece of information written in a different font? Why does it even mention aliens at all? What is this product.

WHY CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK: THE EFFECT OF THIS DEADLY DISEASE AND WHY THE WORLD MUST FIGHT TO ERADICATE IT. WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW TO SAFE GUIDE YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE WHO CAN ATTACK IT

Why coronavirus outbreak? Why coronavirus outbreak? Why coronavirus outbreak?

Can’t wait to read this book and “safe guide myself before who can attack it.”

Thanks, Tammy!

Feline Infectious Peritonitis and Coronavirus: Everything a cat lover needs to know

So apparently peritonitis is some kind of inflammation of the inner lining or your abdomen (where your organs live!). I’m not sure what that has to do with coronavirus, or cats, but I’m glad that I – a cat lover – have everything I need to know. Thanks, Diane!

Virus Protection Mask Stock Photo English Bulldog Puppy Relaxing On Black Leather Sofa 227838037 Anti-Dust Mask for Virus Protection and Personal Health

There’s a lot of misinformation out there about whether face masks are effective or not. I can’t say whether having a dog on one makes a difference or not. But it can’t hurt, right?

Horace Horrise and the Carinavirus

Where to start with this? Horace Horrise seems to be some kind of Horrible Henry rip-off, described as the “UK’s funniest, liveliest, and naughtiest young person”. I mean… huge if true.

Also, coronavirus is spelled wrong.

I survived Coronavirus 2020 -Funny Science Microbiology Gift Tank Top, journal,notebook gift with (110 wite lined pages)

Now this I love. A tank top that’s also a journal with 110 “wite” lined pages.

I’ll hold off buying it for now though, as I haven’t “survived” yet. But I’ll definitely be wearing this tank top / journal once everything’s blown over.

Don’t Sneeze On Me, Thanks. Coronavirus awareness white Pullover Hoodie

Lol.