2020 is a dumpster fire that grows hotter and stinkier with each passing day. The US election is an absolute mess, we’re in a second round of lockdown in the UK, the terror level just got raised for some reason, and Pat Sharp’s just got a new book out. Things are bleak.

Christmas is on the horizon. But it’s clearly not going to be like any Christmas we’ve known before. Will we be able to see loved ones without the police breaking down our doors for breaking Coronavirus laws? We just don’t know at this point.

But what I do know is that people like to dress up as The Grinch and it is very funny to me. This topic originally came up when I was researching people doing cosplay of The Mask and it just cracked me up. There’s something inherently very compelling about dressing up in a big green costume and doing it badly. It’s what I live for.

Anyway here’s some of that.

What makes a Grinch costume? First, you’ve gotta be green. Second, you’ve gotta be hairy. Third, you’ve got to have some kind of festive attire on – at least the Christmas jacket, with the optional sack.

Our first entry ticks all three boxes, yet still feels so far off. The uncanny valley of Grinches. They’ve even got the right kind of snarl going on, and the curled shoes are a nice touch. I can’t quite place what’s wrong with it. Maybe it’s the word ‘GRINCH’ on the hat? I don’t think the Grinch would advertise himself like that. And if it’s so that people know what your costume is meant to be… well, you should have some more confidence in yourself.

Eschewing the popular Jim Carrey look, you occasionally find something like this. Much more akin to the original Dr Seuss illustrations. But for some reason sporting some high-end designer sneakers. NOT MY GRINCH.

Utterly horrifying. Not only are we dealing with a ‘nude Grinch’ situation, but he’s also desperately in need of a good shave. Like, the person who made this costume (we can only presume there is a human being in there) must have spent hours adding hair to this… thing, and at some point made the call that they had not – in fact – added enough hair, and that more hair was needed.

The facial makeup is also pure nightmare fuel. It kinda looks like… a lion? In fact, the whole get-up is distinctly lion-ish. As if they were doing the Wizard of Oz lion, but somehow a green sock got mixed into the wash. And now they’re trying to play it off as a Grinch vibe?

Also, the belly on this Grinch is something else. More like the Grinch who ate Christmas.

Ok, YES. I Googled “sexy Grinch” out of pure curiosity. I do these things so that you don’t have to. And this was one of the more palatable results. I have nothing else to add.

Something about seeing the Grinch holding a beer really tickles an itch in my brain. It’s so on-brand but the prudes at Disney won’t ever let it happen. In real life the Grinch would be a raging alcoholic, 100% necking White Lightning and scaring dogs in the park.

The trouserlessness is also on-brand, imo.

Our final Grinch (I thought there’d be more), and definitely the most ‘movie quality’ costume. But I’m still getting a distinct ‘Harry and the Hendersons‘ vibe off this guy. I think it’s the hairiness.