A household sauna is the ultimate luxury.
You might think fine dining is pretty sick. Or that nothing could top an indulgent massage. Maybe you’d give anything for a bed of the finest cotton sheets?
Well, I’m here to quite aggressively tell you that you’re wrong. There is no great joy or pleasure in life than a household sauna.
And it can be yours for about £95 on Amazon. (Yes, that is an affiliate link. I am attempting to grab that bag, as they say).
But hold up! What IS a household sauna?
It’s exactly what it sounds like, you idiot.
We all know saunas. Y’know, those big hot rooms. We’ve all been in them—those hot, sweaty rooms with the wooden slats. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. The hot, sweaty, wood rooms that kind of smell like… burning wood? There might be a thermometer in there or something? And if it’s a public one, some old people close to passing out.
In some counties, like Finland, it’s common to have a sauna in every home. Now, these are people who know how to live! And yet, in Britain, it’s seen as something of a class signifier. You’ve got to be a certain level of posh to have a sauna in your house. And so, for most people, myself included, saunas have always been an unattainable aspiration. A rare luxury enjoyed only at certain seaside hotels.
The household sauna, then, is the great leveller. It represents the opportunity to bring what might otherwise only ever be a dream into your very home. Luxury is within your grasp.
You just have to ignore that it looks like some kind of death tent.
Just look at it!
The simplicity of the household sauna as a consumer product cannot be overstated. And if anything, it’s arguably an improvement over the original sauna design.
A traditional sauna is basically a whole room. And from a home design standpoint: that’s inefficient. No room should serve a single purpose. Even a bathroom will typically contain a sink, toilet, and bath/shower. You can’t use a sauna for any non-sauna related activities. Have you ever tried taking a Zoom call in a sauna? Forget about it, pal!
The household sauna solves this problem. It’s sauna-on-demand. Don’t feel like having a sauna today? Simply pack it up for another day? Likewise, had a long day and got a craving for some steamy sauna action? Not a problem – just set it up, and you’re ready to go.
As the pic above promises, a household sauna is a very pleasant experience. Despite being a bag of literal humidity, it is somehow not stuffy. And best of all, it frees up your arms for all the important activities in life, such as holding iPads.
And it barely makes you look like a Dalek or other sci-fi space monster at all!
You can even scroll up!
Oh, the health benefits!
I’m not a doctor. But I know that saunas must be good for you.
We like to think of sweat as disgusting. And we’ll do almost anything to eliminate it. Every day we lather ourselves up with so-called ‘antiperspirants and ‘loose-fitting’ clothing. We make prisons of our own bodies, all for the sake of avoiding a slight whiff.
The household sauna challenges this prejudice. Get comfortable with sweat, it tells us. Embrace the stink. Glisten, as God does.
And that’s far from all!
Insomnia? Sweat it out!
Rheumatism? Sweat it out!
Slimming? Sweat it out!
Health? Sweat it out!
Steaming? Sweat it out!
A household sauna is a legitimate cure-all for the modern age.
It’s great for couples, too!
Watch as this man lovingly helps his partner into their household sauna, then places his own legs into the sauna with her through some discrete leg holes.
And there’s zero evidence that either of them received scalding burns from direct exposure to boiling steam!
In conclusion: a household sauna is a must-have
Christmas is coming up. So why not treat someone special in your life to a household sauna this season?
And once again, here is my affiliate link: